Restoring Biblical Love

Part of Christian ministry is answering peoples’ questions. One of the most frequent questions I have fielded in my forty years of ministry is “If God is love, how can He hate someone?” This question is usually based upon what Paul states in Romans 9:13, “As it is written: I have loved Jacob, but I have hated Esau.”i  

This statement is difficult for people to accept when they view love based upon our current culture’s perception of love. This leads to some questions: How does our current culture define love? Who defines what love means? Could a wrong understanding of biblical love lead to false doctrine? Could a false doctrine of biblical love keep someone from eternal life? 

The church has the responsibility to present God as He has presented Himself in the Scriptures. To do otherwise is to offer the world a man-made idol. The Bible is crystal clear on how God views idol worshippers. Therefore, a faulty understanding of biblical love does lead to false doctrine and can keep someone from eternal life. Should we interpret love based on how our current culture understands love, or should we seek to be faithful to the Scriptures and seek the truth? 

Unfortunately, the counterfeit church does not help with presenting authentic biblical love. God is being portrayed as a lovesick teenager who will recklessly pursue us. God has presented humanity with a solution to their sin problem. He freely offers it to all who will seek Him and come to Him based upon His conditions. He does not pursue anyone hoping and wishing they will accept His advances. 

God is also presented as a cosmic Sugar Daddy who is willing, ready, and able to dispense to us anything and everything our hearts desire and to do it unconditionally. Does this image actually represent the God of the Bible? 

Word studies are an essential part of the interpretation process. To dispense with original language study is to place proper biblical understanding in peril. There are four Greek terms that need to be considered in grasping a correct understanding of biblical love. 

The Greek verb “phileo” means to have affection towards, to befriend, to kiss in a non-sexual way. This word appears in the Greek New Testament. This Greek term would represent part of our current culture’s perception of love. 

The Greek verb “eros” means sexual desire. It was seen as uncontrollable passion. It represented emotion, ecstasy, and even madness. This term never appears in the Bible. This Greek term would represent part of our current culture’s perception of love. 

The Greek verb “storge” means a parental affection. This term never appears in the Bible. This Greek term would represent part of our current culture’s perception of love. 

The Greek verb that is used foundationally to describe biblical love is “agapao.” The Greek noun formed from the verb is “agape.” Thus, it is this word, understood in its context, that will allow us to arrive at a correct interpretation and thus proper application of biblical love. 

To be faithful to the understanding of the word, we must accept God’s understanding of the word. In translation, we should avoid English words that do not match the meaning of the original term. 

Sequentially, in the Greek New Testament, this verb appears first in Matthew 5:43-47. Here Jesus sheds proper light on the meaning of biblical love. 

"You have heard that it was said, love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. For He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward will you have? Don't even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing out of the ordinary? Don't even the Gentiles do the same?” 

It is clear Jesus is ordering His authentic disciples to love their enemies. That is beyond question or doubt. If love is an emotion or feeling, as our current culture suggests, how can Jesus command us to have certain feelings toward others? He can’t. Jesus is not directing us to feel a certain way. He is imploring us to choose to place them ahead of ourselves. That is an act of the will and something we can choose to do, no matter how difficult it may be to accomplish. Just because something is difficult it doesn’t make it impossible to achieve. 

With a working hypothesis that biblical love is fundamentally an act of the will and not an emotion, let us test our theory on some additional Scriptural references. 

In Luke 11:43, Jesus scolds and chastises the Pharisees for their choices and preferences. He proclaims, "Woe to you Pharisees! You love the front seat in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces.” Is Jesus suggesting that the Pharisees have an emotional attachment to their seats? Absolutely not. Jesus is using the word in the same way we do when we make a choice for something we prefer. When given a choice between bacon or a salad, I always choose bacon because that is what I prefer. When I say I love bacon it means I prefer and choose bacon over other things. Thus, once again we see that to love means to choose or prefer. 

The Apostle John makes the assessment that many among the Jewish people, even some of the rulers, believed in Jesus, but they would not confess Him as the Messiah because “they loved praise from men more than praise from God” (John 12:42-43). Here again, it is obvious to detect the meaning of the Greek verb “agapao.” It means to choose or prefer. 

Now let us examine some human relationships. In the Old Testament, we have recorded for us the story of Isaac, Rebekah, and their two sons Esau and Jacob. Moses relates for us in Genesis 25:28 that “Isaac loved Esau because he had a taste for wild game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” The Greek translation of the Hebrew Scriptures, the Septuagint, uses the verb “agapao” twice to translate the Hebrew term “ahab.” It is apparent what Moses is communicating. Issac preferred Esau because he could provide wild game for him. Rebekah preferred Jacob because he was more domesticated. 

This understanding aids us in comprehending another text that many have found hard to accept, namely Luke 14:26. Jesus is delineating the requirements for authentic discipleship. Luke records that Jesus told the large crowds, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, and even his own life—he cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26).  

Does Jesus really expect us to hate our parents? Is He ordering us to abhor our spouse and children? Must we despise our siblings? Is He commanding us too loath ourselves? Of course not. 

Jesus is telling us to choose our priorities. He is informing us that if we are to be found acceptable in His sight, we must choose Him and prefer Him over anyone else in our life, including our own self. In other words, Jesus must always be our first choice. 

So far, we have examined love from a human standpoint. What humans do and what Jesus expects from us as humans. What about divine love? Is God’s love different? Let us now turn to the passage of Scripture that has befuddled so many. 

Paul in Romans 9:11-13 writes, “For though her sons had not been born yet or done anything good or bad, so that God's purpose according to election might stand—not from works but from the One who calls—she was told: The older will serve the younger. As it is written: I have loved Jacob, but I have hated Esau.” 

The question that has been posed by many is how is it possible for a loving God to hate Esau? If God is love and He loves everybody, then this verse makes no sense and appears to contradict the suggestion that God’s love is unconditional. The answer is obvious based upon the context. Paul is talking about the election of Jacob over Esau. Election by its very nature requires a choice. Paul is telling the Romans that God choose Jacob over Esau. Jacob was His preference for carrying out His promise to Abraham. Thus, the Greek verb “agapao” means the exact same here as it has in the other passages we examined. It would be preferred to translate this verse “As it is written: I have chosen Jacob, but I have rejected Esau.”  

This preferred translation would harmonize with the text Paul quoted. Paul is quoting from a portion of Malachi 1:1-3. God is speaking to physical Israel through Malachi. They have been complaining about how God has been treating them, and they are doubting God’s love for them. God says, “I have loved you,” but you ask: “How have You loved us?” 

“Wasn't Esau Jacob's brother?” 

This is the LORD's declaration: “Even so, I loved Jacob, but I hated Esau. I turned his mountains into a wasteland, and gave his inheritance to the desert jackals.” 

Again, the Greek translation of the Hebrew Scriptures, the Septuagint, uses the verb “agapao” to translate the Hebrew term “ahab”. 

It would be best to translate these verse as following: 

“’I have chosen you,’” says the LORD. But you ask: “’How have You preferred us?’” “’Wasn't Esau Jacob's brother?’” This is the LORD’s declaration. “’Even so, I chose Jacob, but I rejected Esau. I turned his mountains into a wasteland, and gave his inheritance to the desert jackals.’” 

Biblical love is an act of the will. Every spouse knows there are times when you have to choose to prefer your spouse. Every parent realizes there are times when you have to choose to prefer your child. Biblical love may produce many different emotions, but it is always logical and reasonable and is never based upon emotions. God does what He does based on His holy will, never on emotions. Thus, His love is based on His Law and His faithfulness to His covenant. 

The choice comes before the response. Before I can have affection (an emotional response) for someone, I must choose/prefer (an act of the will) them first. Jesus teaches that what I choose comes from who I am. My choices prove what I am. 

Paul, in 1 Corinthians 13 gives us several examples of how we are to love each other within the church. Is this a list of emotions or acts of the will? Are they feelings or choices? 

Love is patient. Patience is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love is kind. Kindness is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love does not envy. Envy is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love is not boastful. Boasting is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love is not conceited. Conceit is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love does not act improperly. To act improperly is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love is not selfish. Selfishness is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love is not provoked. To be upset is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love does not keep a record of wrongs. To hold a grudge is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness. To prefer the things of the world over spiritual growth and maturity is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love rejoices in the truth. To prefer sound doctrine is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love bears all things. To persist in the pursuit of holiness and in obedience to God’s command to choose Him and His church first, others second, and self last is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love believes all things. To maintain belief and trust in all of God’s Word is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love hopes all things. To continue to look to the future and the fulfillment of all of God’s promises is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love endures all things. To decide to remain faithful until the end is an act of the will. It is a choice. 

Love is patient. Patience is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love is kind. Kindness is an act of the will. It is a choice. Love does not envy. Envy is an act of the will. It is a choice. Similarly, love is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. These are all acts of the will. They are a choice. 

Love finds no joy in unrighteousness. To prefer the things of the world over spiritual growth and maturity is an act of the will. Love rejoices in the truth. To prefer sound doctrine is an act of the will. Love bears all things. To persist in the pursuit of holiness and in obedience to God’s commands is an act of the will. 

Finally, love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. To make the decision to fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith is an act of the will. It is a choice. 

What does biblical love look like? To love biblically is to choose to be last. To love God is to choose to put Him first in all things. This means His wants and desires become our wants and desires. Our goal is to prove our love for God by our obedience to His Law. To love the church is to choose to put her above ourselves. This means we choose the church over our earthly wants and needs. To love others is to choose to put them ahead of ourselves and seek and do for them what is spiritually beneficial. 

The next question is where does love come from? If love is an act of the will, it must come from the mind. Biblical love does not emanate from feelings or emotions. Our English translations often use the word “heart” to translate the Hebrew word “labab.” The Hebrew term does not refer to the seat of emotions. Thus, “heart” is an unfortunate translation. The Hebrews understood the “labab” to be the seat of thought that represented the person. It is better translated as “mind.” The Hebrews represented emotions by referencing the bowels or the kidneys (Psalm 7:9; 26:2; 73:21; Jeremiah 11:20; 17:10; 20:12). 

The church must not pander God to the world by suggesting that He is some lovesick person who is anxiously waiting for them to accept Him. He is the Creator and Sustainer of all things. He is the great I AM. The church must present God’s love as He as presented it in the Bible. God’s love is not reckless and unconditional. The church would do well to remember the words of Jesus in John 15. Jesus was adamant when He said “As the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you. Remain in My love. If you keep My commands you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commands and remain in His love” (John 15:9-10). Jesus tells us it is our responsibility to remain in God’s love just as it was His responsibility to remain in His Father’s love. Jesus remained in the Father’s love the same way we remain in His love, by obedience to God’s Law. If God’s love is unconditional, then why must we be obedient to remain in it? 

As with any other word in the Bible, we must always allow the context to determine the exact meaning of the word as it is being used by the author to the original audience. When it comes to the word “love” we must be especially careful so as not to preach and teach a biblical concept based upon current culture which leads to false doctrines and idol worship. God has spoken clearly and completely. We have the responsibility to teach others what He has said about Himself. 

Here are some things to ponder. 

“Do I understand that love is an act of the will?” 

“What needs to change in my working definition of love?”  

“How can I communicate the biblical definition of love to others?”  

“How can I show greater biblical love in my life?”