As a father of five, one of my greatest joys is celebrating the accomplishments of my children, with my children. Colored drawings and report cards hung on the refrigerator. Trophies and medals displayed prominently. High-fives all around when they land a sweet jump on their rollerblades. Every family has its own rhythms of celebration, and what we celebrate and cheer for quietly teaches our children what we believe is most worth pursuing. And that’s where I had to stop and ask: what am I quietly teaching them to chase?
Scripture teaches us that “the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart” (1 Sam 16:7) and that we should “keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23). Peter urges us to make every effort to supplement our faith with “virtue” and “godliness” (2 Peter 1:5). If applause and celebration only follow achievement and never faithfulness, goodness, or godliness — have we become derelict in our duties as parents?
So, as the old saying goes, don’t settle for less! Celebrate, not only when your child scores the winning goal, but when they stand up for the truth, stay loyal to a friend, or don’t respond in anger. There’s nothing more courageous and praiseworthy than to maintain one’s integrity under pressure. Celebrate when your child maintains a good attitude during a boring, tedious, or painful task. Besides, are we not all commanded to “work heartily, as for the Lord” in whatever we do (Col 3:23)? Celebrate too, when they studied hard, but still failed the test, or played hard but still lost the game, a reminder that effort offered faithfully and humbly is never wasted in God’s economy (1 Cor 15:58). Acknowledge when the right questions are asked at the dinner table, because curiosity is the seedbed of learning.
You don’t need to hand out medals or prizes. Rewards can, in a fallen world, risk quietly turning virtue into a transaction, and we’ve all seen the dangers of virtue signaling. What children crave is not payment but delight. So a simple, excited word of 1 gratitude or encouragement with a high-five or fist-bump will do far more than a prize ever could. Genuinely delight in them as they grow in virtue.
One thing we’ve started celebrating recently is our children’s spiritual birthdays — the day of their baptism. We have always made a big deal of their physical birthdays, so why not remember the day they were born again? These celebrations aren’t big blowout parties. Usually it’s cake, or dinner out, and retelling the story of that day. We also keep track of how “old” they are! Small as they are, those evening celebrations say something our kids don’t miss.
Over time, your child will pick up on what things in our Heavenly Father’s eyes are most important. Past achievements may fade from memory, but character endures into eternity. So celebrate accordingly. Maybe the refrigerator door has room for more than report cards.
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