Pre-introduction: This month’s guest club meeting leader is my son, who goes by the nickname "Trey" when in fact he is Harold N. Orndorff, III. (It’s a name that’s too hard to use, thus the nickname.) It looks like he is making a bid to become "Kent, Jr." He recently finished the undergrad portion of his post-secondary education, and is now partaking of post-graduate studies. He seems to be a little tired of the multi-everything "diversity" dogma of today’s campuses. I suppose he expected it at the modern university, but was a little surprised to find it in the pages of the Christian Standard.

I have to say that there has been a decided tendency lately toward what I call the PCCC - the Politically Correct Christian church. Suddenly it is "spiritual" to speak at least semi-favorably of greenies, socialists, homosexuals, and now, transsexuals. I have probably said too much already, so I leave the rest to this poor boy who has been warped by being around me for the past 23 years.

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Well, I guess mere homo-promo is blase now, because Paul Williams has decided to lecture the restoration movement about its less than stellar track record concerning transsexuality. Hold onto your prudish sensibilities as we convene this month’s sexually ambiguous Club Meeting where the issue is . . .

Transsexually Strange
Paul Williams, "Uncomfortable With Question Marks"
Christian Standard, February 8, 2006

Now, for those of you who may not yet know what is meant by transsexual, here is a quick rundown - sorry I had to be the one to break it to you. When a seriously misguided person has grown up in a messed up world and had far too big a swig of the spirit of this age, s/he will sometimes decide God went seriously wrong somewhere along the line. So s/he decides to alter the anatomy so as to reflect its "true" sex. This, then, is called a "transsexual."

For untold eons some have elected to degrade their bodies in homosexual activity. No technology was needed, only a depraved mind. But only with great advances in medical skill and technology is it now possible for sexual perversion to be sculpted into the human body. This is, of course, very expensive business, but thank goodness in some states it is covered by Medicare - no kidding! (Here at the Christmas season, why not consider giving your transsexual friends a gift certificate for those much-needed sex-change surguries?)

It’s this perversion that Paul Williams addresses in the "Racial Barriers" issue of the Christian Standard. One might get the idea that an editor figured that blacks and transsexuals are all in the same unloved boat. You know, all those categories rich, guilty white liberals worry about: the poor, blacks, and of course, transsexuals. (I apologize to all the members of the first two categories for the Christian Standard lumping you in with transsexuals.) Never fear, transsexuals. Paul Williams is on your side, and he is bringing the issue home to the church community at large.

In this particular issue, Paul is applauding the Unitarian so-called Church, for allowing some of the sexually surgically altered (also called transsexuals) to speak at Unitarian "gatherings" about the hardships that take place when one undergoes "sexual reassignment surgery."

Perhaps members of our astute club are asking themselves the question: What is sex reassignment surgery? Guys, if you grew up playing with dolls, or gals, if you played too much football - perhaps somebody just assigned you the wrong sex. You need to visit a doctor near you who can reassign your sex. Sounds like a car realignment. Maybe they could do a jingle like Car-X: "Don’t worry call the Sex-X man." No hidden fees for these sexual realignments . . . I mean reassignments.

Maybe we shouldn’t joke about this. After all, it is a problem our churches aren’t taking seriously enough. As Paul goes on to say:

Where does Paul attend church that he finds some of these unnamed thousands wandering the halls? Perhaps this could become a new, trendy outreach program: "Has your church left you behind? Come to Metropolis Transsexual Church, where no matter what you are, we know you’re really something else." A positive suggestion for these -- for lack of a better word -- "individuals" might be long, hard Christian therapy, rather than a 30-minute time slot at church to promo their evil . . . oops . . . misunderstood behavior.

Instead of just promoting sexual perversions in the pages of the Christian Standard, why not sell ad-space where groups promoting perverse sexual ideas and activities can attempt to sell their wares? After all, if one is going to sell out, one should at least get paid.

Or here’s an idea for next years NACC! We could have a new unity project: reaching out to our Unitarian/Transexual-sympathizing sis-brothers. Paul does mention that the Restoration movement and the Unitarians rubbed shoulders once. (I hope we washed afterwards.) Maybe they could teach us how to reach out to those thousands of transsexuals in our midst.

A newly femaled (there is a verb we never thought would happen) transsexual minster could be the keynote speaker. Of course, that opens up a whole new bag of church leadership issues. If you were a man who shifted over to the woman side of things for transsexual reasons, would you still eligible to teach men? Kind of hard to say, isn’t it? Or if you were a woman and then got a sexual "reassignment," would that mean you could be an elder - assuming, of course the previously-woman-now-turned-man could become the husband of one wife? Again, it’s another tough question that is likely to stump the already messed-up theologians of the restoration movement.

If you have ever seen The Red Green Show you might remember the "Man’s Prayer" that is recited at the all-male Possum Lodge. The men of Possum Lodge mean it one way, but perhaps it could be adopted as one version of a "Transsexual’s Prayer." It goes like this:

I’m a man,
but I can change,
if I have too,
I guess.

It is, after all, the 21^st century. A brave, new world calls forth a brave new set of sympathies - especially from us stick-in-the-mud Christian church types. Today the transexuals, tomorrow the . . .???