Strangeness of the Month Club
by Kent B. True
I realize that our motto is "Christians Say the Strangest Things." This month, I think we are probably going to stray out of that territory just a bit because we will hear from some Unitarian Universalists. Try as I might, I just can’t quite stretch the category of "Christian" to cover most of these folks. But even if their "Christian" designation is a little shaky, they have every right to the "strange" part, as we will see.
"Polyamorists say they relate honestly to multiple partners"
Don Lattin
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
San Francisco Chronicle
Christmas: it’s the time of Mary and Joseph, who were betrothed to be married. There is great intrigue in the gospel of Matthew regarding Mary being pregnant before the marriage was consummated. That’s what can happen when you are stuck in that antiquated idea of one man plus one woman equals marriage.
Well behold and fear not, for the U.U.P.A. is about to save us from all of that. This illustrious organization is the Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness, and they bring you good tidings of great joy of something like polygamy, but even better! According to the UUPA, polyamory is
"the philosophy and practice of loving or relating intimately to more than one other person at a time with honesty and integrity." They have "relationships" that are "at least as ethical" as other marriages. I jest not.
"Polyamory is never having to say you've broken up,'' said Sally Amsbury of Oakland, whose sex and love life openly includes her husband and two "other significant others," known in polyamory parlance as "OSOs."
You have your "significant others" and then you also have your "other significant others." It’s almost like extra Christmas presents!
"Polyamory is not an alternative to monogamy. It's an alternative to cheating,'' said Jasmine Walston, who lives in Louisville, Ky., and is president of the Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness. "For some of us, monogamy doesn't work, and cheating was just abhorrent to me,'' she said.
One has to wonder what it means to say "monogamy doesn’t work" for some of us? Is that just an encoded way of saying "I can’t keep my hands off some men I meet"? We are at least pleased that President Jasmine found "cheating" abhorrent. Apparently, if you are afraid that your cheatin’ heart will tell on you, then you just tell everyone about it and call it "polyamoy." It’s a nice move - something Bill Clinton probably wishes he knew about back in his Monica days, or when he was writing his book.
Multi-Partners (I was afraid to use any version of "Mrs.") Walston wants to "expand" the possibilities of "significant others" to include three or more people. I’m just wondering why she wants to stop with people. That seems a little chauvinistic to me. What about animals, plants, and even inanimate objects? I probably should not even have had that thought, but there is a certain logical path here that is hard not to follow.
Not all the Uni-Univeries agree, thank goodness.
"John Hurley, a Boston spokesman for the 183,000-member Association of Unitarian Universalists, says the views of polyamorists are not necessarily endorsed by the denomination's board of trustees."
While that’s fairly guarded language, it is slightly better than nothing.
The polyamorists - some of them at least - have tended to be a little quiet about their, well, "activities." Why? They are "are concerned that their cause will be used by opponents of same-sex marriage." Imagine that!
This next quotation needs to be read very carefully:
"Some people in polyamory are bi, some are homosexual, some are heterosexual. We are serving their needs,'' said Barb Greve, a transgender person who likes to be called "he." Greve is a program associate with the Association of Unitarian Universalists' Office of Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian and Transgender Concerns in Boston. "There are people who want to be in committed relationships -- whether it's heterosexual marriage, same-sex marriage or polyamory -- and that should be acknowledged religiously and legally,'' he said.
Transgender Barb likes to be called "he" - that’s what "he", meaning Barb, said! This gets very confusing. While Barb likes to be called "he" I would like to call Barb some combination of "perverted" and "wacko." We will need to invent a new word for that. I’m toying with "perwacked" and "wackverted." Why can’t these people just pay attention to God and save me all this mental effort?
Some of the polyamorists want real "church" weddings, as they put it, "to bless threesomes, foursomes or moresomes."
To adapt an old saying, "the poly-amore the merrier."All this as reported from good old San Francisco. Open up those pearly gates and make a home for the freakiest stuff imaginable. But wait - the U.U.P.A. president, remember, lives in Louisville, Kentucky, where the sun shines bright on her polyamorous home. Oh my.
Imagine Dean Martin singing,
When the moon meets the eyes
of five girls and three guys, that’s -
polyamore!