We all want to be "hip" don’t we? Sure we do! It seems that a few decades after you get "hip" it is time for a hip replacement. But in spite of that our meeting this month delves into the sometimes bizarre world of "the emerging church." Prepare to emerge from the cocoon of your naiveté as this month’s meeting begins.

John Leland, "Hip New Churches Pray to a Different Drummer"
The New York Times, February 18, 2004

The 1980's and the 1990's (think back now - it’s been a while) were the decades of the "megachurch" says our author. Just when you think you can tolerate one annoying church trend, along comes another. That "another" is

I would like to see that "growing stack of hip-looking paperbacks." Are they for reading, or are they for propping that chair with one short leg? Sorry, this is serious business, so on we go.

These churches are "emerging" in the sense that they are directed at an emerging generation which knows not the church. These are the twenty-something and thirty-something people. There are, it appears, several hundred of these small evangelical congregations around the country where they "pursue an alternative idea of how to do church." So how do they do that church they do?

Lots and lots of ways: this is a key point. Beyond that, it appears your church cannot be an "emerging" one unless it is at least a little freaky. For example,

At Ecclesia in Houston and Vintage Faith Church in Santa Cruz, Calif., artists in the congregation paint during services, in part to bring mystical or nonrational elements to worship.

Remember hearing how "you don’t have to check your mind at the door" when you come to church? Not down at good old "Ecclesia." They’re non-rational - don’t even bring your mind, it might get in the way. (And please, put those paints away when church is over!)

And while you might not need your mind down at emerging church town, some things will be supplied when you arrive. We notice that

I have to admit that I am smiling just now, ever so slightly. It appears that, down at the Garage, there is no need for that rational vs. non-rational debate. Forget to put in your earplugs, and the Spirit Garage Band is so loud it blows your brains out - end of story. Ah, yes, let us make a joyful, very, very loud noise unto the Lord!

One more item about the little brown church in the vale, or in this case, the Garage.

It’s like this: when the Spirit Garage Band gets a bit too loud, fear not. Enough time and spirits down at Theology Pub will help you forget you ever heard that band, or perhaps one kind of ringing in your ears will be replaced by another kind of ringing in your ears.

Not far from Spirit Garage is Solomon’s Porch, where

Could you make my wine white, and my pastry a cream cheese Danish? Thanks. You gotta love this place.

Solomon’s Porch goes in a whole different direction than the Garage. A picture of the Porch people in prayer shows them all sitting around with one hand on their chests and the other to their temple. It makes them look as though they are all hearing the National Anthem while suffering from a bad headache!

I’m sorry about that last remark - it just slipped out. We are told that this is a revival of "orthodox or medieval methods of prayer and meditation." I am aware that one can pray from any posture one wishes. Hey, if sticking your finger in your ear helps, why not?

If your tastes run in that medieval direction, consider Dan Kimball and the Vintage Faith Church.

Most of the small country church buildings I have seen were at least a little dusty. That was usually because the people there were just too tired to do enough dusting. Now we learn that younger people want it "dusty." I suspect they are just too lazy to dust! It also occurs to me that if you breath enough dust, you can make Bible stories mean almost anything you want them to mean. I say make the kids clean the place up and use proper hermeneutics - which probably indicates that I haven’t even begun to emerge yet. But enough about me.

When our author interviewed these emerging churchers, he found that "Most said they were put off by political declarations of faith." I would love to know just what a "political declaration of faith" is, but we are never informed. It must have something to do with this:

So ask yourself, "Is my church ‘cool’?" If not, you just might be that kind of Christian. I’m not sure whether to be insulted or not!

One thing the author of our article did discover is that "like discussion groups on the Internet, the [emerging] churches are . . . open to multiple points of view." Yes, I can see that now - almost any point of view.

I rather like this emerging church idea. I saw a church on a TV commercial that I want to start. Perhaps you saw this commercial, too. I think it was an ad for Nike sportswear. There was a guy preaching about basketball. The auditorium had basketball goals on the walls all around. As the basketball exhortation hit a fever pitch, the congregants began to perform slam-dunks. It looked like a lot of fun to me, so I want that one. If any of you club members would like to join me in this, just let me know. Why leave all this fun emerging church stuff to people who are 20s and 30s?