Christians Say the Strangest Things!
by Kent B. True

These days it seems the three most important things to do in church work are accommodate, accommodate, accommodate. I always try to be very accommodating at all of our club meetings. So, should you feel the need to "cross yourself" please do so before our meeting begins.

"I Thought the ‘Hail Mary’ Was a Football Play"
by Tim Harlow
The Christian Standard, January 11, 2004

Living on the edge of the greater Cincinnati area, I can appreciate the desire to take the gospel to Roman Catholics, many of whom you find to be "name only" folks who are very confused about the gospel. Of course, I know a lot of people who are in that same boat, some of whom are denizens of your local Christian church. But just now we will focus on our R.C. friends.

Our man with the Catholics at Parkview Christian Church in suburban Chicago has a clear approach to his target audience: adopt as many of their trappings as possible so as not to offend anyone. For example, Tim asks if we can say the Lord’s Prayer. Here’s a news flash for Brother Harlow: the Lord’s Prayer does not belong exclusively to the Roman Catholic Church!

But now we come to some of Tim’s more interesting ideas. What if some down at Parkview Christian wants to use "the sign of the cross"? Our good brother has no problem with that. He even tells us "we use godparents if they have them." ("And just what does one use godparents for?," I can’t help asking myself!)

On further review, I am going to have to agree with Tim here. If moving your hand around in a cross-like motion turns you on, so be it. If you want godparents - maybe even dozens of them - I can comfortably say that it is a matter of opinion.

Unfortunately, things don’t stop there with Tim. You see, Roman Catholics are accustomed to calling Tim Harlow-like people "father." Tim says he "lets" them call him "Pastor Tim." As he goes on to tell us, "Those who won’t use "pastor" need to find a title they can use."

I wasn’t aware that we needed titles in the church. But I will let that one slide for now, for we have some bigger fish to fry on Friday here.

At Parkview Christian they are very worried about keeping families together. There can be a great deal of social pressure on Roman Catholics who do anything outside the "official" bounds of Catholicism. This gets especially dicey when babies come along. Tim has a way to deal with this, however.

Yes, that’s what the man said. In all fairness to Tim, though, he does have several "conditions" to the "go do it" command.

Why not, indeed? Tim continues by saying, "Obviously we can’t encourage these people to lie, or fake some kind of an allegiance to their old faith for any reason."

So let me see if I understand this correctly. If you used to be Catholic, but now you are down at Parkside Christian, and if your family is "freaking out" because you are not having your baby "baptized" and if you can find a priest willing to make a mockery of his own faith, and if you are convinced that this is an empty ceremony anyway, then you should let your parents think you are getting your baby baptized when, in fact, you don’t believe a word of it! (Yes, that is a long sentence, but this is a tangled web we are weaving here!)

What happened to "we can’t encourage these people to lie, or fake some kind of an allegiance"? No, not that, but do fake your Catholic parents into thinking you baptized your baby, and find a priest to help you do it.

In fact, Tim really likes what they do down at Rivertree Christian Church. There Greg Nettle (who has been a subject of one of our earlier club meetings) likes to trade pulpits with the local Roman Catholic "priest." There is just nothing like a Roman Catholic "priest" to inject a good dose of sound doctrine into the assembly of the saints!

Perhaps Tim, and Greg, for that matter, are just one step away from hitting the jackpot here. Why send babies down to the "priest" to be baptized? Why not baptize your own babies? After all, if it doesn’t mean anything anyway, just "go do it." But don’t go to the Catholics when we could do it just as well down at the Christian church. Why let them have all the baby-baptizing trade?

While we are at it, why not offer "mass" at Parkside Christian? We could all just agree that it means nothing, but think of all those still-R.C. family members it would attract. The possibilities are almost endless.

As Tim says of the people at Parkside Christian and the Catholics, "There is a great deal we do share in common, especially these days." That could well be true, and makes me wonder: who has changed the most here?